sacado

i still got love

Thu, 31 May 2007 19:39:31 GMT

but im late for school

i waste too much time to see you

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 02:50:36 GMT

i put you before all my friends, since when did you ever to do that for me?
i continue to let you have us both, maybe its time she knew the truth.
you use me if she fails or cancels, so no more hanging out with me.
im sloppy seconds and thats all ive ever been, im letting you do what you wanted
which is to have both of us when i said you couldnt, youre just bein selfish

selfish is all you are. this song fits you completely.
only, you dont really have as much game as them
because if you did
youd treat both of us a hell of a lot better

Y'all my, ladies and I can't(maybe I'm selfish)
(I can't) Let you (let you)
(I want you to myself I can't help it)
Be with (yeah) no one (yeah)
but me (yeah) baby
Cause I love you girls though you ain't mine
I wish my arms was long enough to hug you all of the same time
And I'll be tryin to come around my girl actin like Mr. Friendly
And steal the spotlight like Mr. Bentley

Goodbye, lets restart rewind
lets try this one more time
no im not talkin about you and me
im talking about me finally takin leave
bye.

broke

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 09:32:19 GMT

i miss him

i cant stop thinking about him

God, please give me the strength to let go,
Amen.

welcome home

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 13:35:18 GMT

i really miss having sex. its been so damn long.

THIS IS LAME. I HATE ABSTINENCE.
but at least it keeps the babies away.
and the STD's

<3

imiss

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 02:22:49 GMT

stephanie so much. shes like mi hermana.
i hope she can go with me when i go diary hunting.
:] ?

i need to stop clenching my teeth. my dentist said its not good for me, and it probably is what causes that popping noise in my jaw whenever i chew, and why my back teeth look like theyre being grinded. i notice that i clench my teeth when im on the computer, at school, walking, on the bus. everything. everywhere. everytime. dentist says the only time my upper teeth should touch my bottom is when im eating. thats what he said.

today i made mashed potatoes. they came out okay, i need to work on it. my tummy hurts.
AND I FINALLY BOUGHT BATTERIES! THANK GOODNESS I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO DIEE.
or sock a bitch.

¿que pasa?

oh yea, spanish. i made up a telenovela last night. its called
El Chisme Entre Tres Mujeres.

its pretty sic

i need my license

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 01:50:18 GMT

i missed mondays meeting day. but made up for it in a 4:00-6:00 session.

doesnt matter. doesnt change that i fucked up. halloween wants to see me tomorrow. i think. personally, i think hes full of shit. why would he want to see me, of all people. maybe his girlfriend. thats who he should be seeing, besides. i was the one worth leaving.

fuck it. im out. i need to have tons of fun before my dad gets home on wednesday
im so good at getting in trouble.

tomm is my buh buh buh burrrrffdaaaayyyiiieee

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 00:47:27 GMT

today was an okay day.

OH. i got hangers! im so excited to hang my clothes. but when my dad and his roommate leave. i dont like doing anything around the house until they leave, they make me uncomfortable. i dont know why. well i really miss halloween, but im feeling better today. i ate ice cream from baskin robbins, sooo gooood, and it made me feel better so...thats probably why im feeling so good. uhmm. i hope stephanie had fun today with whitney, as for her and hector hannibal lector? aye. i dont even think they're gonna be going out anymore, unless he shapes up. i hope they do work out though, for her sake. my love life has gone to shit, sweet. life is good to me, real good.

:/

p.s. i lit my hair on fire today

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 17:47:34 GMT

i have Tisbury Lane by Mae on repeat. the guitar sounds good, and the song helps ease the pain of my break up. wow im pathetic.

:/

Fall of Troy helps too, but if im in a pissed off/break up rampage. Mae is a lot softer, easy going. why do i miss him so much? why cant he just get out of my head? it hurts too much thinking about it, and anything i do to forget doesnt work. i love you, if youre reading this. and im sorry we cant ever be together.

It'd take a miracle. So that's what I'm praying for

autobio

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 08:27:31 GMT

So basically, I got shat out on March 14, 1989, with a bump on my head due to my mom trying to push me through her cervix. (She ended up having to a C-section.) The nurses and doctor’s kept a close eye on my bump with this sticker suction thing, fearing that my bump would turn into some sort of tumor. But it didn’t, and when the nurse ripped the suction off she left me a nice little scar less than an inch big, that doesn’t grow any hair. Pretty much a bald spot? I came close to being named “Clementina Casillas,” after my father Clemente Casillas (“Clemente” is the family name). But my mother saved my life from future humiliation and embarrassment by denying him the right of naming me that piece of crap name, and named me Andrea Patricia Josefina Casillas, instead. I grew up around my mother and grandmother (who I call “Ama”). I remember my dad being around; singing me the ABC’s to sleep, brushing my hair, my teeth, and also arguing with my mother. They were quite a pair, yelling and stuff. Then I remember my father not being there all of a sudden, he just kind of disappeared. No one ever told me where he went but I don’t recall ever caring, I do remember that he would occasionally swing by my elementary school (Florence Elementary) when I was in the first grade and bring me a carne asada burrito and a Snapple and eat with me during lunch. Afterwards he would walk me around my playground and hold my hand, and all the little kids decided they wanted to hold his hand too. I remember slapping them away and yelling “He’s not YOUR daddy he’s MY daddy!” Afterwards, we’d sit down on the curb of the embankment and he’d make me search his pockets for my favorite candy: gummie bears. Well, it wasn’t the gummie bears it was just the gummie. I also enjoyed those gummie lifesavers, those things rocked my world. Eventually my mother became pregnant again, and my little sister Elyse Ariana Casillas was born on November 6, 1995. I was so happy when I first saw her, and I remember holding her and how anxious I was to have her at home. But when she started getting all the attention from every adult that came to our house, I about had a fit. When no one was looking, I grabbed her arm and clamped down hard; in response she screamed bloody murder. I denied having anything to do with her being upset, until they showed me the teeth marks on her arm. Little by little I warmed up to her, and I started changing her diapers, putting her to bed, making her bottles. Her first words were “Day-uh,” (my nickname is Drea) as for me, my first words were “Batman.” I was teased often at school up until I reached the second grade (now at Nye Elementary), which is when I made it clear that I was no one to be messed with. I picked on and beat up every boy in that class to show that I was one tough chic, and stayed after school often because my mother worked there. When I reached the third grade I switched to Audubon Elementary for about half a year. I had the crappiest third grade teacher who half assed her way through teaching us times tables, so I didn’t learn a thing. Another personal detail, I had trouble learning anything with numbers, so when I switched to Brooklyn Elementary for the rest of my third grade year, I didn’t know my times tables or how to tell the time. I would always avoid reading the clock when asked by passing it on to another kid, oh yes. I thought I had beaten the system! Well one morning I came in late as usual and Ms. Roche, my third grade teacher, said, “Andrea you’re late again!” I sat down and stared at her as she wrote down my name and the time I came in, and I prayed she wouldn’t ask the question I feared the most. Sure enough I heard, “Andrea, what time is it?” I laughed nervously and replied, “I cant see the clock,” “WELL GET UP! Hahhaha” she said. Oh I was screwed now, I was in for it. I got up and squinted, “well I cant really see- “Can you even tell time?” I said no as quietly as I could, I was so ashamed. She laughed like it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard, as if she couldn’t even believe me. The whole class erupted with giggles and whispers, and she shut them up and asked, “Why didn’t you learn in the second grade?” and I responded “Well the teacher tried teaching me but I think I took too long to learn so they moved on.” She looked up at the clock and said, “You see those big lines? Each one is a number, from one to twelve, and I know you can count by five right?” I nodded, “Well,” she said, “each group of tiny dashes is a five, so two groups is?” “Ten?” “Yes,” she said, “So tell me what time it is.” I would tell you what time I said, but that was a very long time ago, so I don’t really remember. I stayed at that school for the fourth and fifth grade as well, and developed a crush on a boy that was a year older than me; of course I never talked to him. My mother, by then, was done with my dad and already dating a man named Mike. He was a very nice man to us, and always brought my mom flowers. He also had two sons, Michael and Justin. His kids and I matched perfectly; I was quite the tomboy. They dated for 4 years, when they decided to get married and move in together on Louisiana St. I was in the sixth grade, and attending Preuss School UCSD, a supposedly prestigious and new school. I hated it. It was very difficult for me, and I didn’t get along with my math teacher, or my science teacher. Guess why? They were the same teacher, how badly I wanted to slit her throat and/or push her in front of a stampede of elephants you will never know. For my seventh grade year, my stepfather recommended a school he once went to, called John Muir. I did really well my seventh grade year, making a best friend named Joanne, and when I went back for my eighth grade year is when my world fell apart. My mother and stepfather weren’t getting along, they would argue all during the summer before my eighth grade year and would yell so much. Mike, my stepfather, would slam doors, become violent and throw things across the room, curse at me and my mother…it was awful. Then he left, the day before I started for eighth grade, he left. Me, my mom, and my sister all slept in the same bed the night before I started. My sister was to start school with me that day, it was an atypical school, and wouldn’t stop asking about where Mike went. My mother was heart broken, and prayed every night for the strength to move on. Elyse and I were the only ones she had left, besides our Ama, and I tried my best to be there for her. We moved again to Claremont, where I was closer to Muir, and walked to school everyday and walked home. That year Joanne left Muir and I found Annie, my new best friend. That year I also jumped from liking a boy named Philip, to Cesar, Ben, Jesus, back to Ben, then Alfonso, Robert, Daniel, ugh. It was mind boggling, I got bored with boys easily. I became a Christian that summer, and then my Ama refused to talk to me. Only until I went to her church and “gave up my un-catholic ways” would she actually attend my birthday. As for my mother and me, our relationship blossomed into this “friend-like” mother-daughter relationship. We talked all the time, and I went to her for anything. But she started dating a man named Richard, for about a year and they decided to move in together. I disliked him and his two sons Michael and Steve. I made it known that I didn’t like them around by rolling my eyes, or sighing every time they asked me something. I even did that thing where someone walks into a room and I stopped talking, and made it obvious I stopped talking because they walked into the room. The truth is, I didn’t trust them, they were barging in on my mom and me, and I didn’t want them hurting us the way Mike did. But my mother is a grown woman, and I had no say in her decisions, so we moved to Bonita/Chula Vista. I started going to Bonita Vista High, and during my freshman year I attained my first and worst boyfriend, Jonathan Gabriel Elvester. We were together for two years and three months, that’s two years of my life down the drain. I thought I was in love though, don’t we all at one point. That piece of crap dragged me down; no I let him drag me down. I let him become the way he was and allowed him to be the way he was with me, and I don’t intend on saying it in this oh-so-glorious autobiography because I feel it is a private and deeply disturbing…matter. By the time our relationship was over, it was the summer before my eleventh grade year and I had a BLAST. I snuck out so much, and went to the beach and bowling as well. But I messed up a lot during my eleventh grade year; in fact I failed four classes, the core classes. Second semester rolled around and I jumped back on my feet, and during summer school I made up my English and history credits that I had failed my first semester during junior year. Senior year I entered refreshed and prepared for crunching those credits and graduating without a problem. I even moved out at near the end of the summer and started living with my dad, I had a job (at the best work place ever, McDonalds), and I played tennis. But I had to quit work because it was interrupting my school life, and I had to quit tennis lesson so I could do community service for the time I was caught ditching school my junior year, by a cop. It was horrible, because I had planned to go to prom that year with a senior but I ruined my chances because I thought I was too cool for school for that day. I started doing my community service hours at CYAC boxing, completed them, and moved on. Meanwhile, I was failing most of my classes at school, except for economics. I failed a class I needed, and barely passed another, and passed economics with a B. Economics was my only good class, by the way. I had a go at the second semester, and I was doing well till I was kicked out of my house for not listening to the rules. I was staying with my cousin Isaac for a couple weeks and then went on to move in with my Ama, where I stayed for about a week and a half. During that time my wonderful ex-boyfriend, Johnny Tsunami, came back into my life. I forgave him, we talked, he became the asshole he always was, and now I hate him, again. Then, my dad let me back into his house, signed me up for learning center, and now I am here at my father’s house, three days away from being 18, being heartbroken, catching a cold, in a state of insomnia, and typing up my autobiography which probably isn’t even in the correct form because I didn’t really follow the rubric. Why? Well, out of all the schools I’ve attended, I don’t think any of them stand out than any of the rest; schools are all the same to me. Prisons I’m forced to attend in order to get into college so I can get what I want in life. All the places I moved to I don’t remember because I learned that getting attached only messes you up in the end. Any vacations and/or special times in my life I don’t remember because again, getting attached is stupid. There aren’t too many people, or any at all really, that are important in my life because I don’t trust anyone and most of the people that have entered my life and are in it right now have let me down in one way or another. It may not seem that way if you read my autobiography, but that’s because I didn’t share all the disturbing things I’ve been through, no one needs to know any of that, and neither do you. Besides, I don’t care to relive it, once was bad enough already. No need to air my dirty laundry.

i love

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 19:24:19 GMT

why. a person as, as...faultful as you, someone who is so mean, so stupid, and. a liar, someone who has no talents but pretends to have many, someone who fakes like he's something he's not. can make me feel like the best girl in the world. and at the same time you can also make me feel like the ugliest piece of shit on earth. and i hate you and love you and miss you and want you out of my life all at the same time. and i know i dont really love you. or miss you. i miss the thought of missing you, i miss the thought of loving you and having that kind of..relationship.

just because you were my first everything, doesnt mean you were all that significant. and

it doesnt mean you were my best.

as for the other, you broke my heart so badly. and. i want to hate you but i cant, and. i need you out of my life. which is why i ran off, which is why i deleted you, which is why i refuse to ever REALLY talk to you again, or see you. i cant do it, it hurts me sooo badly, and thats dumb. i shouldnt be falling in love so young, when i dont even have a solid/stable job. HELL, i dont even have a high school diploma. im close though, hopefully. i really dont want to love you, but i do. and im just. heart broken. im..just. i miss you, and will keep missing you. but i meant what i said, and we will never ever ever get back together, i dont care if its in 5 years, 1 year, 10 years, i dont care. im out of your life for good. unless you really really think you want me in your life, and think that im "right for you" then youre gonna have to go ALL OUT, im talking dump her, ask me out even if i say no, flowers, candy, other gifts, begging, i want it ALL. and i know for a fact you wont do that, because youve got too much pride. so. unless you do that then we are never going to get back together. because you decided some girl was more important than me, fine. and im not saying im hot shit, okay? im saying that i really care about you and you not choosing me just shows me that you'll do that to me again. people dont ever change their ways, they just get better at hiding their ways. according to Leo. AND that applies to the boy above this one, that i wrote about.

new names

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 23:02:13 GMT

~~Pharcyde~~

Pharrcyde

ac smooth

passsinmeby

atcq

ac smooth

ill drea

ill slang

~~whodini~~

~~mary wells~~

girl talk

~~sadie mae~~

~~saydee mae~~

~~slum village~~

ride. rideriderideride.

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 06:14:33 GMT

im real good right now

better better. but i feel sick to my stomach. i think i should lay down. my nerves are outta wak. theyve been making me wanna yak. freal. i dont know why. i need to help isaac out a lot more. i think i need to go mimi's. i feel sick. okay i feel better.

today. i ate.
-half of a rubios bean and cheese burrito. seemed small too
-small bowl of frosted mini wheats
-two tortillas
-small tomato. it was so cute

i havent been eating right lately. liiike. i'll be hungry and shit, but then when i go to eat. i feel full.
or like. i feel that wont be satisfied by anything. i need to pray. thats all. payce.

i got a face book today

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 04:01:00 GMT

i was bored

my eyes burn really bad right now, i was cutting onions earlier and then i rubbed my eyes afterwards. when i was done eating. tomorrow karla is coming over to help me apply for FAFSA. suh-weet. but i need to get to normal st. and get my interdistrict transfer, then get isaac to gimme a bill. and try to see if i can do it myself. if not, then i will go to bonita and drop my classes for good. GOOD. i saw halloween today. it feels like we never see enough of eachother, wtf. whyyyiiee. maan i see him a lot now, but i need to fucken focus, freal tho. school, 100%

i need to establish credit for myself, maybe get a credit card and then chuck it somewhere where i cant find it. and then let union bank of cali. know that i moved and shit. i need to get a job. so i can get money, and save up. i need to get my clothes/products from my dads house as well, and in order for me to do that quickly and efficiently, i need a car. someone who drives a car, actually. and someone who wont ask for gas money, since i have no cash on me.

im too. i...ughh. okay. its not like i dont care, or that im scared, or prideful. its just that i straight up dont want to face my dad. at all.

i dont know why.
:/

OH. happy valentines day.
p.s. fat ass mafucka gots a space

GREAT

today

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 00:21:11 GMT

was a very bad day. im in trouble. he never yelled so close that his spit flew on me, before...

and im not going to make that decision ever again
from now on i listen to the racist.
no matter what.

superbowl sunday

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 01:36:08 GMT

im really blank right now. like my mood is just kinda blank :/

halloween wanted me to come over today
i want to, but its kind of difficult.
a little personal problem
not to mention im with my family.

but still i got ready as if i was going to go
just in case my luck changed
but it didnt

i really miss him
but i want to break up
but i dont want to.
im just unsure
and confused about him
"us"

i just feel he needs someone better than me
and. we rushed things, we really did.
but i miss him. so this makes things hard.
</3

lalalala lalalala ELMOS WORLD

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 07:15:33 GMT

m-100
t-200
w-0
t-100
f-200
s-400
s-600

steph

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 03:38:32 GMT

has a guy that likes her. but lately she has been hanging out with this
shady character

david. a friend of david the psycho.
he does meth.

well.
i dont know what daniel does
but. he [david] faks with druggie girls
and hurts her feelings
just because he says the hater mark was nothing
doesnt mean shit

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS and
i know that she is just gonna get hurt in the end
even though her daniel friend might not like me around too much
es okay.
es bien.
i am a hard person to get along with
i know
you have to kinda get past this beginning part of me
when i meet people, at first im very. guarded. i hold back a lot
and what they meet is. a very. "not andrea" version of andrea.
so i mightve been an ass to him
or not. i dont really remember

but i like him for her
not david.
SO STEPHANIE IF YOU READ THIS
you kno, ur probably wanking to my entries
BUT QUIT WANKIN
and realize that daniel is a way better boy/man?
than david. the cherry pecker.

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 18:45:00 GMT

i really want a camera. baad. and a memory chip.
i could have taken so many good pictures yesterday

i was. i dont know.
yesterday was kinda lame
i miss school

stephanie
halloween
fruit gushers
my hair straightener
spree licorice candy
and.

and feeling good about myself
i miss that too

why do the people who matter so much
say the most, hurtful things?

whhyyiie. i hate getting attached. cause then
then whatever is said
hurts a lot more than someone else saying it.

cacapoop suck my. boot.
i dont know

i always feel like somebody is watching me

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 04:31:56 GMT

i threw up today after we went to rubios. they had a dollar fish taco tuesday
i went with my mommy.

thats right. we're talking again.
i found my old sn " Dre uhh"
i like that one alot
but i miss LayD Trippy

my dad is becoming paranoid and asking about me and my association with the boys from the boxing gym. i guess he thinks im seeing them. YES IM A WHORE AND IM THE GYM SLUT NOW DAD. IM TOO RETARDED OF A WHORE TO CHARGE THEM THO HAHAHEHEHDHALAWLZ

anyway. my mom said im losing weight. we both agreed that it was just me getting taller. sweet. now im gonna be even TALLER than all da boyZ :[ whatever i need to get my act together. i really hate wen ppl promise they wont do something, or act like a certain person doesnt mean shit to them. yet they tell them every little detail, like a "get to know me talk" i hate it. maybe i should find someone to do that with, but no. i dont, why? because i know its a dumb thing to do. revenge. eh. avenge. avenge? blech. im hot all over. i need to shower but im home alone and i hate taking showers when im home alone. my rite aids are soggy from walking in the rain. i miss someone a lot right now but i have no clue what she is up to. i might have class with her though. SUH-WEEEEEEEEEET :D

spring love. coem back to me. more like. summer love. no?
i heard a song on the radio that i really liked. so i myspaced that shit up.

i need to buy:
-notebooks
-new jeans
-pencils
-a bat for some flexin to a girls head id like to call _ _ _ _ _ _
-spray cans
-shirts
-new jacket
-skirt
~~-cd's~~
-something that will comfort me
when ever i need it. like. a dog. or
blanket. yea. i need a blanket.
-stuff for my hair. i think its called shamPOOP
-face wash
-BUS PASS TO THE MAX
-phone

thats my new shopping list. set and print.

wat tha fak

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 23:05:25 GMT

ohhhhkaayyy. he is mos def acting weird. he gave me his password to alter his profile. yesterday he wouldnt even give it to me for uploading his pictures. so now he is wanting me to edit his profile....a little odd, he can just send me the link. so maybe he knows thats what was bothering me, i was kinda mean after he wouldnt give me the password :[ i was just trying to help him, its not like i can change the size of the pics from my account. they always do that, and then wen you look theres nthing bad, because they delete most of it or hide shit. ive had that experience.guys always think a girl is gonna look around, im so used to being fucked over i dont give a rats ass. yea, the temptation is there but, im able to make myself care less about anything as to keep myself from..splurging into their shit. anyway. i edited it and then looked at this girls profile he said had him all over it. and i was like. WTF LET ME SEE.but i was already logged out so i had to log back in.

my eyes feel like stones.

whyyiee

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 08:39:45 GMT

he thought i was acting differently. well i was but he thinks he is losing me, well he could. anyone could lose anyone. get my drift? man. :/
i let what other ppl say get to me. i eat too much according to my dear friend lili. sometimes i feel like she doesnt even like me. i swear. i think maybe she only puts up with me because im stephs friend. she doesnt even like my boyfriend, steph said so. why does she lie? damn i swear, she doesnt like anyone though. so i shouldnt take it too the heart. im more self concious about my ass than ever before, ever since i was told i had some..."stories" on it. eh. i hate myself.

so back to what i was talking about. i get jealous, but i dont always act upon my jealousy. in fact, i dont say shit about a lot of the stuff that kinda bothers me. which is what makes me act differently. causing him to think he is doing something wrong, or that he needs to do something. its just i didnt feel some of the things that were said were. appropriate. not to mention he tells me to change his pics, and i agree to, but mention i need his password and he just tells me "nvm, just save it on photobucket" so. if he wants to be like that then fine. i mean he knows i dont look through his messages. or his anything, really. i have a life. but it still bothers me that he responded that way. aye :[ im so sic of caring so much. im love SIC. love sick. thats a song. a song i like.

my eyes hurt. i think im gonna take a nap and then get started on my economics final review. suh-weet.

*he is asking me to comment his pictures. wtf. okay. i say no and he still wants me to, i mean dont take me wrong, i DO. but. eh. things i dont wanna "add on to" i guess...thats why. so i comment them, i do. but emotionless ones that dgaf because i guess something is bothering me. oh well.

play on playuh

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 04:38:21 GMT

its getting closer and closer to january 19. oh dear God im nervous. anxiety attack..aAHHHhhahh. fuck. not because of january 19 but because of finals. this blows. srsly. my ears are heating up. a sign that im getting sick. or that i might. im eating gum right now. or. no. chewing it i mean. i want to know what happened with stephanie. she hasnt come online yet. and its making me nervous. my hair is still curly. i need it to be straight for tomorrow. since its *ANN'S* birthday. LAWLZ. happy burfffday. LAWLZ LOL ROFL. anyway. i hope i can go. if not. then i guess im goin anyway. huh? yea. damn right. im nervous. i just want C's ..that would make me die of joy, come back to life, orgasm. and then die and come back as a cat. seriously all i want is a C in all of my classes that im failing. thats all. my dad burped.

im gaining weight. and feeling more self concious than ever. i was doing sit ups and running but im finding it harder to do the closer it gets to finals. my nerves are going out of wak. wtf. merry christmas everyone. MOSSLETOFF! ...and. i dont think i hate my mom as much as i used to.

updates lateLATERLATER

but i didnt say she wanted sex. nerner.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 17:02:19 GMT

RIDdlE MEthisnoy: what do you normally do when youre bored/
andreapjcasillas wank
andreapjcasillas all
andreapjcasillas night
andreapjcasillas long
andreapjcasillas no
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol
andreapjcasillas i uhm
RIDdlE MEthisnoy wank
andreapjcasillas yes
andreapjcasillas wank
andreapjcasillas noo, really. i uhm. look for newartists. ortalkto my WONDERFUL AND APPRECIATIVE BOYFRIEND HAHAHRHARHHAR
andreapjcasillas orsleep
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol
RIDdlE MEthisnoy why, is your bf a jerk?

andreapjcasillas he normaly isnt
andreapjcasillas well we've onlybeen going out forlike
andreapjcasillas a month
andreapjcasillas but
andreapjcasillas lately hesbeen
andreapjcasillas making dumb decisions
RIDdlE MEthisnoy like what
andreapjcasillas or maybe im just blowing it out of proportion
andreapjcasillas well
andreapjcasillas okay
andreapjcasillas theres this girlwho was jockin him and flirted with him hardcore sayin ghow his lips could be put to good use and she could show him when they chilled... even when he had put 'In a Relationship' ...eventually she asks "ohh are you in a relationship?" ...its like. NOOO HES NOT..HE JUST PUTS IT UP FOR DECOR

its like. wtf...so he tells me "oh shes just a friend, and tha bitch aint shit i aint gonna talk to her anymore because she is gonna get me kicked outta the boxing gym" but sure enough, hes still talking to her. itsnot that i mind realy, itsmore the fact taht he lied to me about it. i dont understand why he had to lie...
andreapjcasillas he even thought i had his myspace pw...and im like. no, i told you to change it. then there are times where its like..it seems as if he makes up excuses. i dont know..i cant exactly point out an example but hesjust turning into a flakey, lying, stupid person. and i know im turning into a bitchy, short tempered, and distrustful girlfriend..but i mena. i cant help it. look at the way he;s acvting. he doesnt have to lie.
andreapjcasillas :/
andreapjcasillas i feel bad
RIDdlE MEthisnoy well, he should have not lied to you. he likes her. trust me, i can tell. he likes her.
RIDdlE MEthisnoy you should break up with him
RIDdlE MEthisnoy if hes not cheating on yuou, then he will
andreapjcasillas :[[[[[[
andreapjcasillas iwant to cry
andreapjcasillas right now
RIDdlE MEthisnoy well, do you love him?
RIDdlE MEthisnoy its only been a month
andreapjcasillas ..
andreapjcasillas i know..
andreapjcasillas but
RIDdlE MEthisnoy its best to break up right now before you get too attached.
andreapjcasillas yea i do but i dont wantto and im too young and its too soon
RIDdlE MEthisnoy thats just my opinion
andreapjcasillas i guess
andreapjcasillas if its not already too late
RIDdlE MEthisnoy because
RIDdlE MEthisnoy he lied to you. that was wrong. he allowed her to talk to him like that, he didnt tell her to stop or that its innapropriate or that he had a gf, that was wrong. he continues to talk to her knowing that she wants to have sex with him, that was wrong. you got mad at him for all the right reasons. hes the type of guy, and im just guessing from what ive heard from you, that cheats on his gf's. he doenst have respect for you if he acts this way.
RIDdlE MEthisnoy i believe he will cheat on you, if he hasnt already. and the best thing for YOU is to end the relationship right now before you get too attached. especially since hes not a good boyfriend.
RIDdlE MEthisnoy normally, guys are better to their girlfriends at the beginning of a relationship. if hes like this now, later, he will be worse.
andreapjcasillas :[[
RIDdlE MEthisnoy what i think you should do is call him up, tell him its not working out. and just end it, for your sake. im sorry if im being too forward but the best thing is to tell you what i actually think.
RIDdlE MEthisnoy im sorry tho, there is definantly another guy who is definantly way better than thta
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and you will meet him :-)
andreapjcasillas no
andreapjcasillas im gonna grow up
andreapjcasillas alone
andreapjcasillas which is better
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol
andreapjcasillas i think,than having someone
RIDdlE MEthisnoy well, just because of your past relationships
RIDdlE MEthisnoy doesnt mean yous hould give up hope
andreapjcasillas ohh
andreapjcasillas well
andreapjcasillas too late.
andreapjcasillas HAR
andreapjcasillas HAR
andreapjcasillas har
andreapjcasillas im lame
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol no youre not
RIDdlE MEthisnoy just, dont be emo :-)
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and everything will be okay
andreapjcasillas imnot em
andreapjcasillas o
andreapjcasillas eww
andreapjcasillas fuck that shyiet
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol
RIDdlE MEthisnoy are you gonna break up wwith him tomorrow?
andreapjcasillas immmm..
andreapjcasillas not the type to break up ove r the phone
andreapjcasillas [thats 1]
andreapjcasillas 2. i dont have a house phone at my dads, nor doi have a phone to call him on...remember we are int eh processof moving.
andreapjcasillas 3. internent break ups are just pathetic. and
andreapjcasillas im not a cowardly person.
andreapjcasillas so i think im gonna break up with him this friday
andreapjcasillas [his birthday]
RIDdlE MEthisnoy okay
RIDdlE MEthisnoy is that the only day youd see him?
RIDdlE MEthisnoy or just cos its his bday
andreapjcasillas i think so
andreapjcasillas the first one
andreapjcasillas only dad
andreapjcasillas day
andreapjcasillas im sad
RIDdlE MEthisnoy i know
RIDdlE MEthisnoy im sory
andreapjcasillas :[[[
RIDdlE MEthisnoy there is only one thing that will have you take your mind off of it for good, and its what i do.. even tho it sounds stupid.
andreapjcasillas: i think im gonna cry maaannn. this hurts. i really liked him.
andreapjcasillas its hard
andreapjcasillas not to
RIDdlE MEthisnoy well, i think hes a jerk from what yout old me
RIDdlE MEthisnoy he may have been nice to you
RIDdlE MEthisnoy but thats fucked up what he did
andreapjcasillas yea
andreapjcasillas he is nice
andreapjcasillas he is teh BIGGEST DORK
andreapjcasillas he tries hard to make me happy
andreapjcasillas sometimes
andreapjcasillas well
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and jerk for doing what he did tho
andreapjcasillas not in this case
andreapjcasillas yea
andreapjcasillas and he gets my nasty, vulgar, dorky and stupid sense of humor
RIDdlE MEthisnoy because i mean, if hes doig this now, this early in the relationship, what makes you think he wont do it later
andreapjcasillas true
andreapjcasillas youre right
RIDdlE MEthisnoy some people just think of the good things
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lik you are now
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and its good
RIDdlE MEthisnoy it is
RIDdlE MEthisnoy but
RIDdlE MEthisnoy you also have to remember the bad
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and if its worth it
andreapjcasillas :[[[[
RIDdlE MEthisnoy is it worth going out with a great guy if he cheats on you?
andreapjcasillas no
RIDdlE MEthisnoy if he cheats on you, then hes NOT a great guy. and that automatically turn him into an asshole. so in the end, its just a cover for who he really is
andreapjcasillas wellshe hasnt cheatedon me
andreapjcasillas and i dontknow what she tells him
RIDdlE MEthisnoy well the way hes acted implies that he will
andreapjcasillas and what they talkabout
andreapjcasillas yea
RIDdlE MEthisnoy he dint even apologize to you?
RIDdlE MEthisnoy if some girl said that to me, i would have told her not to say that shit. i clearly have a gf and shes disrespecting me. and then i woulda deleted her and told my gf and apologized for what the girl said
andreapjcasillas no he didnt
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and he continues to talk to her
RIDdlE MEthisnoy which is really fucked up
RIDdlE MEthisnoy just tell him, the way hes been acting with this girl online is disrespectful and is implying that he is or will cheat on you. and he didnt even apologize to you or tell her to stop
RIDdlE MEthisnoy hes favoring a girl who is hurting your feelings and trying to get between you two than his own girlfriend
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and thats fucked up]
andreapjcasillas ..
andreapjcasillas :[[[[[[
andreapjcasillas i know
RIDdlE MEthisnoy im sorry, im kind of a motivator.. lol
RIDdlE MEthisnoy trying to help you keep in mind the reason youre breaking up with him
andreapjcasillas thank you
RIDdlE MEthisnoy so you dont mess up and stay with him cos im afraid hell cheat on you
andreapjcasillas i hope this motivates me to actually do it
andreapjcasillas and not chicken out
RIDdlE MEthisnoy just remember, hes a jerk who talks to some slutty girl who wants to have sex with him and didnt even APOLOGIZE to you...
RIDdlE MEthisnoy when you seehim
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and talk to him
RIDdlE MEthisnoy just be strong :-)
RIDdlE MEthisnoy be 8-) (cool)
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol
andreapjcasillas X[
andreapjcasillas its harrrd!
RIDdlE MEthisnoy i know
RIDdlE MEthisnoy but just remember, no matter what, stick to what youre starting with
RIDdlE MEthisnoy and thats ending a harmful relationship
RIDdlE MEthisnoy whoah.. my vision is totally messing up
RIDdlE MEthisnoy i think im too tired lol
andreapjcasillas lol
RIDdlE MEthisnoy my computer looks like it just went back 3 feet
andreapjcasillas go to mimi's
andreapjcasillas hey
andreapjcasillas i do that too
andreapjcasillas its from staringtoo long
andreapjcasillas i get it all the time
RIDdlE MEthisnoy lol yeah
andreapjcasillas when im reading too
andreapjcasillas he called me
andreapjcasillas but
andreapjcasillas i wasnt here
andreapjcasillas hesaidhed call me in 5mins
andreapjcasillas and it had been an hour
andreapjcasillas so i left with my friend

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 19:32:22 GMT

i changed my mind. no pictures coming. my dad just left to vegas. i think. i went across the street for some creamcheese since isaac doesnt have any in the house and the white boy who lives with my cousin answered the door. he is a dork. but not as dorky as me. its not that he is dorky...its more like. an eager personality. type of thing. ish. vance is now my friend on the most drama starting and migraine causing thing ever. myspace. yeaa. anyway. im cold as fuck. and i just ate teh best bagel ever. but i miss my boy. turning 18 next friday. and i have 25 dollars now. soo. $25= hat ?? eh?eh?eh? fuck i miss leo. why are all these boys disappearing from my life?!!?!? i miss my guy friends. leo, vance, james, evan, uhhh...is that it? there has to be more than that. i was sure of it. anyway. they were all good company. funny ppl. funnnnnie pplzz...

i think i miss james the most. but he has to grow up now. he has a soon-to-be wife and a ...3 mth? old child. i miss stephanie and jennifer too. but i just dont have the w1z33d to be hanging out with them. :/

and im not gonna waste money on drugs with my boys b-day so near. unless he wants *her*...and no its not another girl, well actually in a way it is. ANYWAY. im trying to find a song that goes "lets pretend we dont exist, lets pretend we're in Antarctica" but no luck. stephanie told me the band is called "Of Montreal" ..its a song thats on her profile but as a video. and my goodness there is something in my eye. well i went across the street to see if they had ice cream because isaac does but its looks all nasty and shit. and they didnt. BUT GUESS WHAT?! whitey has a girl! i woulda never guessed since he gets so eager and nervous looking around ppl. my fingers are cold. and i miss my boy so much. you dont even know.

so update:
friday night i went to the place with halloween. it was fun in the beginning. but then. i dont know. i think ever since the mister ive changed. physically and mentally. i know that it takes a lot out of you, misters...and the brother of mister ..when girls have those, they need to stay in bed for like. two days. soo. anyway, i feel bigger, less stimulated and enthusiastic... and thats how i was acting when i was with halloween. on top of that i went through a lot of shit to see halloween. and then. i think i need to smoke. thats all. yea. anyway. so we chilled because we tried too hard but then things started going well. and i have to say, for being in such a down mood, he really brought my spirits up and made me feel really really good :] im glad that he was able to. as for me, eh. lets put it this way. im like the pacific ocean. minus the waves and water. then we went to the mall and we ate chubwayz. he thought his sandwhich was the best but then he tasted my veggie delite. and he looked at me with big eyes and goes "i thought mine was the best that they had, next time im getting THAT" then he took a bite of his and looked at mine and made a face. and i started laughing. i wasnt sure if he was being sarcastic or not, bu he was surprised i think because mine doesnt have meat in it, or anything really. its pretty much a salad in bread. with avocado and cheese. then we went to the stores to look at shoes and we have almost the same taste in shoes. and then he told me his little theory about girls shoes. and how they look weird but when a girl puts them on they look sexayyy. lol. then we rode the trolley home, and he stayed in old town. then he called me later and we hung out a second time! i liked hanging out with him. i dont think he likes it as much as he used to, considering each time we hung out we did the cause of a mister... :[ i think thats what he misses. i feel like shit now.

maybe this whole thing went way too fast. maybe im pressuring myself to make him happy. im confused.

oh my oh dear

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:10:14 GMT

worried. about school. just one more day and then i dont need to trip about school till tuesday. i WILL do all my homework. i WILL. all chemcom first. then all my math. YESSSSS.

other things on my mind have to do with my relationship. er. marriage. AHAR. well i dont know. things are progressing nicely but i feel that sometimes he is uninterested which pushes me away a lot of the time, and gives me...second thoughts about him. i mean what IF he is interested in da nastaay only...what IF he is playing me... stephanie now thinks he isnt into me for that since she saw us talking via AIM today, and even wiener looked at our convo and laughed and siad. "wtf is that your boyfriend?!? and you talk to him like that?" and im like "lol yeaa :DDD" stephanie sure seemed to think he was shady considering he doesnt even make it evident that im his girl. that it is "ambiguous" since he has no pics up on his space. wtf. i mean myspace causes a lot of drama..but yea ima admit that i do feel offended that i put a shit load of crap on mine and he didnt even put the one she drew. but he doesnt know that i was kinda bummed about that. doesnt matter. he'll never know anyway. we did talk about it tho, and he said he would but boys always say that and then forget. or play like they dont remember. i dont give a shit. im not putting it up on mine. fuuuck that. fuck anything. i remember telling myself that i wouldnt go all out to make a guy happy if he didnt do the same. so. why the fuck should i bother putting those pics up? i shouldnt.

anyway, other than all that messsss. today was a nice, high flyin, smokin, chokin, apple pipin day. yeaaayyyyy.
pics soon to come!